I am a cop. At least, I suspect I am because the woman outside the hotel room I woke up in told me so. I don’t actually remember being a cop. Or how the hotel room window got shattered. Or why my face looks like I lost a fight with the pavement. Or my own name. I don’t remember anything about the case I’m supposed to be solving: a dead body strung up in a tree outside the hotel I’m staying in. Not a good day to be me, it seems, but if I’m someone who can solve murders, maybe I’m the type of person who can solve the mystery of his own identity. Maybe.
We all remember our first invasion like it was yesterday. After enough practice, every fight starts to take on a familiar cadence: thrust, parry, flank, thrust again. There are only so many ways you and your invader can dance about and most of them just involve rolling around on the floor until you run out of stamina. It’s enough to make you give up on PvP entirely, resigned to a solitary offline life in Lothric. If you’ve lost the spark in your PvP life, try these tips to rekindle your bonfire and bring a bit of humanity back to your invasions.
In a cruel act of betrayal, the life I once knew is ripped away. I’m left a stranger in a strange land, forced to declare allegiance to a group of warriors with only blind faith to guide me. My new home, the forest, is out of alignment. Three clans fight for territory day in and day out. The guardians must be awoken. Restoring balance to the colonies rests on my shoulders alone.
I am a cat.
I want to dodge away from framing Nioh only as “Dark Souls but samurai,” but I’ve enjoyed it so much specifically for the ways in which it elaborates on the deadly and demanding action combat that the Souls series popularized. Nioh brings its own punch to the party by adding badass spirit animal summons, chaining combos, and fighting stances to a combat system that would have otherwise felt too derivative. Although the port to PC has a disregard for keyboard controls bordering on outright rude, Nioh’s swift, layered combat was worth retraining my muscle memory for.
To understand the Fashion Police, it’s important to grasp the concept of ‘Fashion Souls’. The idea is that players forgo armor stats entirely in the more noble pursuit of being the best dressed character during a summon or invasion, rather than the most powerful. From this movement, a more dedicated group of fashionistas allegedly took up arms and declared it their sacred duty to enforce the sanctity of ‘looking fine all the time’. These players became known as the Fashion Police.
The abstract objective of Spaceplan is to accumulate potato power, which you then use to create more starch-based generators and initiate upgrades for your current space spuds. With a similar lack of gravity, your ship’s sophisticated tools are labeled Thing Maker, Word Outputter, and Idea Lister. You know, standard scientific equipment. The Word Outputter is just the game’s way of communicating with you via text, while the Thing Maker and Idea Outputter list clickable items for creating sources of potato power and potato upgrades respectively. It even has a Scientifically Accurate Mode, whose only difference is switching the unit of measurement from watts to joules, with assurance from the settings menu itself that everything else is “totally accurate, trust me.”